I've been sick this week. Lungs are pretty bad. Mostly, I've been fantasizing about exercising. Sounds stupid, I know. But I fantasize especially vigorously when I try to put on a pair of jeans. They mostly don't fit any more.
The depression has taken a toll and the general sadness makes it very difficult to motivate. Plus, when I am exercising, it makes me think of all the things I wanted my life to be, but now it most definitely is not.
Everything is changing and I'm trying to be okay with it. I need, most of all, to find the part of me that is proud of being strong and fit. My lungs are really suffering. And if I don't start really exercising again, regularly and soon, this winter might be one of my worst yet in NYC.
Today, my body feels tired and sick and I've had a painful headache all day.
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