One of my last posts in what was a very long and difficult year. I have gone through a lot and am finding that as I wrap out 2012, my ability to expect the right amount from myself is improving.
A few things have happened:
I upped my training from last year
I had a job that was wonderful and met wonderful people there
I had to lower my training because I was too tired, overworked and depressed
I was elected treasurer of the choir I love
I continued to train and try to just muscle through the sadness
I visited my best friend and her family, who I love and miss
I trained in Florida doing an open-water "lap" in salt water for the first time
I performed Bach's B Minor Mass with the choir that I love, this was also the first piece I sang with the group
I stood my ground and defended what I knew to be right
I was kicked out of the choir I love
I did my first aquathlon and didn't die
I applied what I learned and trained, but a little less than before
I left my job and my career to pursue something else and try to pay bills
I lost my desire to succeed
In spite of that, I did my first FULL Olympic triathlon and PUNCHED IT IN THE FACE!
I struggled, stumbled, fell, bled, was injured, was heart broken, was lost and I got up again
I did my second full Olympic triathlon and learned what it meant not to train well enough
I asked for help and found it in a friend who helped me set limits
I lost my ability to love myself, and so I made some changes to get better
I joined a new choir
I visited my dad, who I love and miss
I asked for help and found it in a friend and yoga
I worked through a super storm with my company and felt strong and smart and capable
I tried to get into the NYC Tri, but didn't make it through the lottery, I will volunteer instead
I took time off with myself, thanks to a friend who lent me her space
I moved and all of my friends helped, and I was grateful
My mom visited, I love and miss her
I made Thanksgiving dinner with my dearest friend and had a wonderful time entertaining people I love
I asked for help and found it in friends and family and doctors who care
I had a wonderful concert and a lovely time with my new choir friends singing carols and being merry
I lean on my friends and they let me, I am so grateful
I continue to feel better, though I also still feel pain
I went to my first pro-sporting event, a Nets game - double OT with a hail-Mary win at the finish!
I sang Christmas carols at the White House
I registered for the Nation's Triathlon
I am looking forward to training
I have started to get ready
I have lost so much this year, but I am hoping to gain twice as much next year. It's a lucky year for me. Thirteen is my number.
Emily, thank you so much for posting this blog. It has so enlightened me to your struggle. You are one of the most awesome people I have ever met and I am so happy you are part of my son's life. 2013 is going to be a great year for you - I can just feel it!!!
ReplyDelete