Recovery Run

Ran this evening.  Sad that the swim is cancelled.  Sad that this weekend is starting out with a horrible, nauseating sequence of events that just make me feel more worthless than ever before.  I can't seem to do anything right these days.  I was looking forward to proving that all of the effort I've put into my training at least paid off, my entire year wasn't a horrible waste.  But it seems to be quite the opposite.  Even the things I thought were good are coming apart at the seams.  Everything I love, everything I aspire for, every goal I set just fall apart and turn to shit.  Doesn't matter how much effort I put into them, I'm going to fuck it up.  It's just who I am.  I can't follow through with anything.  The things that I want to grow only die and wither under my touch.  I am doomed to be a lonely, unemployed, self-absorbed disgrace.  Even the culmination of this year's training will be left without closure.  No gratification.  No resolution.  No reward.  Just disappointment and sadness.  Just another reminder of how I'm wasting my life.